Mother-in-law guilt-trips daughter in law for refusing to pay for husband's extravagant birthday dinner, she cancels the reservation: “We thought you were in a good enough place to pay for everyone”

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 25, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. For some people, their birthday can hold a lot of expectations. They want to drag their birthday into the whole month, with multiple parties, or even a week long trip. They want the private dinner with the girls one night, the dinner with the parents and family the other, and of course a day where they throw a big party. Of course, not everyone is like this, and some people would rather no one even know they're having a birthday party. 

Expectations don't only pertain to birthday parties, but to family dynamics and relationships as well. The relationship between a woman and her mother-in-law can either be one of mirth and mutual love, or it could be riddled with passive aggressive comments, uncouth communication, and lying smiles. 

The story below combines all of these elements and more. The protagonist is a woman whose husband is having a birthday soon, and his mother calls his wife to help plan it. Not only does the MIL expect her DIL to plan the birthday party, but she expects her to pay for it as well. And it's no small price. It's upwards of $1,300 and that doesn't even include the meal for 8 people. Read the full story for all the juicy details.  

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  • 01

    I need help... my mother in law asked if i'm okay paying for a dinner for 8 people?

    "I can't afford this"
    via AleksandarNakic from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My mother in law texted me a few weeks ago to invite some of my husbands friends to a surprise birthday dinner. She gave me a list of people to invite and asked to call and make the reservation, so I did, happily. She first asked me if I
    via u/Ordinary-Caramel-608

  • Why on earth would this woman expect his son to spend thousands on his own birthday? How is that a gift, and how is that a nice surprise? It's pretty narcissistic of her, and he deserves better. She should be giving to him, instead of taking his money. 

  • 03
    wanted to go slits on renting a luxury car for the day which would be $1300!?, I told her I couldn't afford that, especially as we have our own birthday plans made (we're going away for the weekend). I'm not rich by any means lol. It's a few days before
    via u/Ordinary-Caramel-608
  • 04
    our reservation, and she randomly texted me asking if I'm going to need help paying for dinner for everyone??? Is this normal? I can't afford this? what the h I do I say
    via u/Ordinary-Caramel-608
  • 05
    to that? I feel so uncomfortable. AITO if I tell her everyone can pay for themselves?
    via u/Ordinary-Caramel-608
  • 06
    H A P P Y B I PT HDAY YBIRTHDAY A
    via Ruth Black / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    EDIT: I told her I wasn't able to do that. Now, FIL has called hubby to say "we thought you were in a good enough place to pay for everyone". They are now cancelling
    via u/Ordinary-Caramel-608
  • 08
    the dinner and making hubby feel like the bad guy for not fronting the bill for 8 people to dine at a fancy restaurant FOR HIS BIRTHDAY
    via u/Ordinary-Caramel-608
  • 09
    INITMalcanis NTA. If she wants to throw a surprise party for your husband she's welcome to, but she doesn't get to voluntell you that you're paying for it!
    via u/INITMalcanis
  • 10
    Dry_Ask5493 NTA. "I'm sorry, I didn't plan to pay for anyone other than myself and hubby. So either they pay for themselves, you (MIL) pay or you will be
    via u/Dry_Ask5493
  • 11
    canceling the reservation." Put that in a text for proof of what the expectation is. If she goes with everyone pays for themselves then you need to
    via u/Dry_Ask5493
  • 12
    make sure everyone that you invited knows this ASAP also, do it via text.
    via u/Dry_Ask5493
  • 13
    KronkLaSworda NTA Tell her point blank you aren't paying. This is her idea and she needs to figure it out.
    via u/KronkLaSworda
  • 14
    ngroat "No I cant afford that, if thats the expectation then I will not be attending the dinner at all" NTA
    via u/ngroat
  • 15
    Medusa_7898 She planned it. She pays or you cancel.
    via u/Medusa_7898
  • 16
    WeirdcoolWilson She planned the dinner and selected the people she wanted to come to the dinner - she should pay
    via u/WeirdcoolWilson
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10509688576
    via Motortion from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    Software Maintenance Time to cancel the dinner. Next time tell MIL to arrange and pay for the dinner herself.
    via u/Software Maintenance
  • 19
    Shadow Tide123 girl...?? she planned the whole thing, gave YOU the guest list and now she expect u to pay?? nahh this ain't it. u
    via u/Shadow Tide123
  • 20
    def not the a**hole. just tell her straight up u can't afford it n everyone can cover their own food. u not a bank
    via u/Shadow Tide123
  • 21
    KrofftSurvivor NTA The only rational response is -
    via u/KrofftSurvivor
  • 22
    I have been happy to help you with the planning for your party but I cannot afford to pay for it for you.
    via u/KrofftSurvivor
  • 23
    Any response after that can be answered with: Had you told me upfront that you were planning a party that you expected me to pay for I would have told you that we cannot afford this.
    via u/KrofftSurvivor
  • 24
    However, I am happy to contact everyone and let them know that although I was happy to help you with organizing, unfortunately, the party is canceled because you cannot afford it.
    via u/KrofftSurvivor

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